In Your Heart, I'll live
by HanaHeart
Summary: The 2 lovers had an accident, a car accident. 8 months later, the other lives and goes on. but, he sees his dead lover, or he think he sees him...{My second HanaRuHana...yaoi} part one is here
1. Part One

In Your Heart

Pairing: HanaRuHana

A/N: This is an answer to Miyuki's fic request and edited by Devil-Kirin

Part One

"Sasaoka, pass the ball quickly " Sakuragi shouted at his teammate. Sasaoka passed the ball to the redheaded guy who ripped the opposing team's defenses apart and smashed the ball into the basket in a spectacular dunk.

The audience went wild as the referee's whistle echoed through the gym, announcing the end of the game with Shohoku leading by 99-98.

The Shohoku players crowded around their redheaded captain, congratulating each other for the hard victory. Sakuragi watched his celebrating teammates silently with an exhausted smile pasted on his face.

He made his way to the bench and grabbed the towel to wipe his face. The game was a hard won one even though many of the good players he once known had finished high school and left. Some to Universities like a certain Gori...Others to jobs that they had taken a fancy to. Surely, there were good players among the new students…but they could never be as special, or as dear to him as his former teammates were. 

//One more game...Just one more...and we'll be the Number One team in Kanagawa for the second year in a row// He thought as he wiped off his sweat.

"Great game…Sakuragi," a warm voice called from behind. Sakuragi looked at the person behind and smiled at his senior and former vice-captain Kogure Kiminobu.

"It was a difficult one, Kogure"

"Nonsense." Kogure shook his head. "Nothing is so hard for the great genius of Shohoku."

"Great genius of Shohoku?" Sakuragi chuckled softly. "It has been a long time since I last heard that..."

"Come on. You're still the genius I've known for three years now. And you're still proving it in every game you play."

"No, Kogure." Sakuragi looked away, his eyes filled with a silent grief. "I am no longer the person you've once knew...I changed...I changed a lot ever since..." Sakuragi could not make himself finish his sentence. A tear fell down his cheek before he could stop it, and he rubbed at it viciously.

Kogure placed a comforting hand on Sakuragi's shoulder. "Sakuragi, it's been 8 months. You should go on with your life. I'm sure he's very proud of you...After all, you fulfilled what he had always dreamt of...you made his dream come true by leading Shohoku to victory"

"Are you sure that he's proud of me, Kogure?" Sakuragi sounded like a five-year-old boy.

"Of course he is" Kogure nodded.

"Then I guess I'm a genius after all" Sakuragi chuckled between his silent tears.

Kogure couldn't help but to smile at his friend.

**********

It was nearly midnight when a tall guy with bright red hair made his way through the empty streets of Shohoku district. Sakuragi continued on his way as Kogure's words echoed repeatedly throughout his mind…

"Are you really proud of me, Kaede?" He whispered into the empty, unresponsive air. "...Or do you still blame me for that accident? Will you ever forgive me?" 

Flashback

"Kaede...I've a surprise for you..." Sakuragi burst into the bedroom with huge grin in his face.

Rukawa who was, most amazingly, studying for an exam, jumped, startled by the sudden noise. Of course, it would be of no surprise that Rukawa had been *sleeping* on his textbook before the redhead barged in.

"Surprise?" Rukawa raised an eyebrow. "What have you up your sleeve, idiot?"

"Come and see for yourself." Sakuragi tugged impatiently at Rukawa's sleeve. "Come on..."

"Idiot. Can't you see I'm trying my best to study? I've got an important exam tomorrow."

Sakuragi looked at Rukawa in mock amazement. "Am I hearing thing? Since when did you start to care about exams or the like?" 

"..." Rukawa would have loved to get his hands on Sakuragi's neck at that point in time.

Sakuragi chuckled, ignoring the Fox's patent Death Glare. "Come on. It'll only take five minutes...That won't kill you, so come on; it's right in front of the house. Just COME and see it." Sakuragi resumed pulling the Fox out of his seat.

Rukawa looked at Sakuragi curiously. What could be this THING that Sakuragi simply couldn't wait to show him? 

Curiosity winning over his initial reluctance, Rukawa agreed to go with his lover to see that thing. In any case, Sakuragi would never leave him alone until he did so. 

Once at the front of house, Sakuragi pulled Rukawa over to a cloth-covered item that looked suspiciously like...

//No…It couldn't be...// Rukawa watched his lover leave his side to stand near the THING.

"Watch, Fox!" Sakuragi did not wait for a reply; instead he pulled off the cover immediately. "Ta da~!"

Rukawa saw a black knight motorbike standing gracefully. He looked at his lover in disbelief.

"Idiot, where did this come from?" Rukawa asked dumbfounded.

Sakuragi grinned widely. "Well, I bought it. You've always longed for one, haven't you?"

"Yes, but this particular model costs a bomb, how could you-?" Rukawa looked at the red head, understanding dawning upon him. "That was why you...?"

"Hehehehe..." Sakuragi scratched his head sheepishly. "You guessed it...This was the reason why I worked such long hours these few months..."

"And I thought I would never get to ride on one..." Rukawa shook his head, "But I never thought that you would..." Having no word adequate enough to convey his feelings, he settled for clasping the red head's hands in his own. "Thank you, Hana-kun. Thank you."

Sakuragi smiled at the brunette tenderly. "Kaede, there's no need to thank me...there never was one. Why else do you think I did this? Because I love you."

"..." Rukawa fell silent. The love that he saw in his lover's eyes was so tender, so caring... //you are my angel, Hanamichi...// and he hugged his lover, pulling him close to him. //I love you, Idiot...//

Sakuragi smiled at the uncharacteristic Rukawa behavior. "Ne, Kaede, would you like to go for a spin on these gorgeous new wheels?"

"Now?"

"Why not? We'll make our first on this baby a short one."

"I guess it's OK"

**********

The two boys drove through the streets, enjoying their short ride. Rukawa was very happy to ride with his lover on his dream bike. He hugged Sakuragi from behind as the fresh air played with his hair. Sakuragi smiled as he felt Rukawa's hands tightened their embrace around his waist.

"Happy, Kaede?" he asked.

"As long as I'm with you, I'm drowned in absolute happiness."

Sakuragi couldn't help but to chuckle...it *was* rare for his quiet lover to talk openly about his feelings. After being together for quite some time, Sakuragi learnt the art of reading Rukawa by his actions, not by his words.

Sakuragi was lost in his thoughts about his lover that he didn't pay attention to the road in front of him.

"HANA...LOOK OUT" Sakuragi snapped from his daydreams at his lover's shout. His eyes widened in horror at the sight of huge trunk appearing suddenly in front of them. He turned the handlebar, pushing the brakes with all his might. Unfortunately, the bike went out of his control and turned around itself before it crushed into a huge tree, sending the two boys to the pavement.

End of Flashback

Sakuragi shook his head violently, trying to erase that memory from his head. He has been blaming himself for 8 months now. But still the guilt hadn't gone or even lightened. 

Still the pain upon hearing his lover's death from his friends was torturing his heart and soul. 

Still the sight of his lover lying peacefully in a coffin present in front of his mind and eyes.

Sakuragi continued his walking towards his house. He stopped, however, for a minute in front of an empty basketball court. His heart ached him as images of a raven-haired boy playing one-on-one with him flashed in front of his eyes.

They used to have one-on-one every morning together in that court before going to school. 

They used to walk together back from practice every evening. 

They used to do so many things together…

//Not anymore// Sakuragi bit his lips hard, unintentionally drawing blood. //He's gone...and he'll never come back...//

Sakuragi continued his way to his dark empty house. He unlocked the door and entered.

Darkness greeted him with its painful silence. Sakuragi fought the urge to bust into tears again. He had promised himself to move on and not to linger over what was already the past...But his heart still pained him every time he came across that court, every time he entered his house, every time he held an orange rubber ball.

His friends advised him to sell the house and buy another in another area...but he couldn't. 

No…he wouldn't.

He couldn't imagine the place that he once shared with his lover, going to another. 

He couldn't imagine the place where he had heard his lover's joyous laughs, would echo another person's laughs. 

He couldn't imagine his memory of the happiest days in his life would go forever...go just like his lover.

Sakuragi shook his head, clearing it from all these thoughts. He made his way upstairs to his bedroom. When he opened the lights, a loud gasp escaped from his mouth. He froze in his spot unable to move. His heart skipped a beat at the scene in front of him.

T.B.C.

A/N: oh well…looks like I have written another HanaRuHana after all. But really the plot was very interesting…besides I love to make these boys suffer *grins* 

Anyway, Devil-Kirin, who was kind enough to edit the fic, rewrote most of the fic… 

Thanks a lot Devil-Kirin …I really appreciate it ^__^ 

I promise that I'll try to finish this fic and my other SenRu fics in the coming days…after my exams of course…

Anyway, tell me what do u think about it?

Thanks and see ya


	2. Part Two

In your Heart, I live

Pairing: HanaRuHana

A/N: Answer to Miyaki's fic request…Sorry for long long long update :P I've been very busy with all the viruses in my pc. By the way, is something wrong with FFn, I'm not able to save any WebPages from it….every time I try a message appears and tells me that "this page cannot be saved" is it from the site or from my pc *frowns* it only happens when I tried to save a page from FFn?  

Anyway, special thanks to my wonderful beta-readers. And hope u enjoy the story… 

++++++++++

Chapter One:

When he opened the lights, a loud gasp escaped from his mouth. He froze in his spot unable to move. His heart skipped a beat at the scene in front of him.

++++++++++

Chapter Two:

++++++++++

Sakuragi swallowed audibly upon seeing the familiar outline of a tall, slender body laying in the double bed that he had once, not so long ago, shared with his beloved. 

He approached the bed, hoping so much that it was that same boy he had wanted to see for the longest time ever, lying there, and yet knowing that that same hope was an impossible one.

He then circled the bed, working his way round to the side where he would finally be able to see the features of the person lying there.

_No._ Disbelief dawned on his face.

It simply could not be.

It was impossible, wasn't it?

They had told him that he was dead, didn't they?

Didn't he go to the mortuary to see for himself that the other was dead?

He did. Even though it was tearing him apart, just to muster up strength to do that.

Didn't he touch the cold, motionless body beneath the cloth just to confirm for himself that the other was dead?

He did. No matter how much he pounded at that same body, he never got a response.

He knew, for all purposes and in all respects, that his beloved was dead.

DEAD.

And yet...

And yet, here he was, staring sickly fascinated by the features of the sleeping man on the bed.

The same lithe body...

The same pale, asexual, heartbreakingly beautiful face...

The same rose-red lips that he used to kiss...

All that could be found on the man lying under the covers of the bed where he and his lover had shared not long ago.

Suspended in disbelief, he stared, as if from a distance, as his hand reached out to touch that - apparition? Man in his bed.

His hand encountered a familiar warmth, something he knew he'd been missing for so long.

His hand traced the contours of the man's features. Over the forehead...over the eyes...over the nose...over the jaws... and finally over those lips and sliding slowly down to take the face into his hands.

Hanamichi was only vaguely aware of the fact that he had knelt down, his feelings overwhelming him to such an extent that his knees could no longer support him. He was vaguely aware that tears had started trickling down his cheeks, the reminder of his anguish standing - no, lying - right in front of him.

Grasping that face in his hands tightly, indistinctly aware that the man in question had moaned at that intimate, and yet rough, touch, Hanamichi bowed his head.

"Kaede..." That name. The name of his lover. The name he used to call lovingly the whole day through.

Was it truly his lover, resurrected from the dead?

Hanamichi didn't know. But he knew that he wished for it to be.

[_Lord, if this is a dream, then I don't ever want to wake up..._] 

Hanamichi looked up then. For that moment, he saw what he imagined himself to see. 

Rukawa, waiting for him while lying on their bed, having tried futilely to stay up every single time Sakuragi came back late from his part-time job.

As if he had heard his lover's entrance, just like he had so many times before, Rukawa opened his eyes. 

Rubbing his eyes, yawning, the man was utilizing those endearing little traits that were indelibly imprinted into Hanamichi's mind and labeled as inherently Rukawa. Smiling warmly, as he met the awestruck eyes of the redhead, he reciprocated the redhead's touch and similarly placed his hands on the redhead's face.

Hanamichi closed his eyes. That familiarity, the way he touched him, the feelings incited by those hands... Hanamichi moaned softly and opened his eyes, dazed and uncaringly. [_If this is Hell, then I don't want to know what Heaven is like…_]

He felt the man's hands pulling him closer to the bed, his face being manipulated such that he could only watch as the man's eerily, and familiarly beloved face came nearer to his. [_If he is the Devil..._] He closed his eyes once more, knowing what would follow. [_...Then I don't want to know what Angels are..._]

He felt the softest of kisses being pressed against his lips by the - apparition? - man and opened his eyes.

He stared at the man smiling ever so slightly at him, watched unfocused, as the man took one of his hands, pressed a kiss onto his wrist and then proceeded to do the same for the other.

[_This must be a dream..._] Thinking so, he allowed the - apparition? - Man to pull him onto the bed, sit him down leaning against the headboard of the bed, and divest him of his coat, tie and shirt. Then the man stopped.

Hanamichi met the boy's eyes, confused as to what the - apparition? - Man wanted to do.

He smiled once more under the redhead's bewildered scrutiny. Then he pressed his lips to the redhead's forehead and spoke for the first time, with Rukawa's voice. "No, Hana-kun... This is no dream."

[_Hana-kun...?_] Hanamichi could only stare mutely at this sudden turn of events. [_How does he...?_]

"You're finally back." The Rukawa look-alike said softly, moving back such that he was now sitting on the bed. "I've been waiting for you for the longest time ever..."

With this, the Rukawa look-alike's eyes glazed over with tenderness.

"Huh?" Sakuragi didn't know what to say or do, being too shocked to react.

He just sat there stiffly, as Rukawa moved forwards once more to take him in his arms. 

Hanamichi felt like a doll, manipulated in such a way that he accommodated the Rukawa look-alike as that man tightened his hold on the redhead, until it seemed as though he never wanted to let him go again. 

"You're late again. Bad boy..." The Rukawa look-alike whispered tenderly. "Did you miss me?"

"Kae- Kaede..." Sakuragi found his tongue, "Is... is it... is it really you?"

Rukawa pulled away, smiling crookedly as tears glimmered at the rim of his eyes. "Of course it's me, silly." 

Hanamichi could only stare blankly at the man before him. "But... the doctors said... I saw..."

Rukawa let out a sigh of exasperation. "Look, Do'ahou, I'm touching you..." He slid one hand down the redhead's bared chest.

"I'm holding you..." He held Hanamichi in his arms once more.

Hanamichi stiffened slightly.

"And now I'm kissing you..." Saying so, he pulled Hanamichi closer and kissed him fully on the lips, deliberately choosing to deepen the kiss and to enjoy what he had lost once thoroughly.

When the kiss ended, they were both breathless.

"How?" Sakuragi's voice was barely audible, choked with intense emotion.

"Does it matter?"

Hanamichi shook his head slowly.

Rukawa smiled, the brilliance of that same smile taking the redhead's breath away. "I'm here... with you... and that's what really matters, isn't it? I came back... And I'll never leave you..." He hugged Sakuragi tightly. "Never."

Feeling the familiar warmth enclosing him, Sakuragi slowly raised his hands and returned his lover's embrace.

"I missed you." Sakuragi whispered as his tears fell uncontrollably. "I missed you so much, my beautiful kitsune."

Rukawa chuckled softly. "And I, you, do'ahou."

Sakuragi pulled away, smiling between his tears. He looked straight into his lover's blue eyes and felt himself drowning in those glacial pools of heat.

They had spent too much time away from one another. Their only wish, as of now, was to catch up on the time lost between them. Neither of them was willing to end that blissful moment as their faces kept getting closer and closer until their lips met in a heavenly contact.

++++++++++

Sakuragi tightened his embrace around Rukawa's body like the most precious thing in the whole world, as the two laid on their bed. 

He still can't believe that his lover has returned to him after 8 months of loneliness and sorrow. He glanced at his lover's angelic face and smiled warmly. Rukawa always looked so innocent and fragile while he's sleeping. Sakuragi felt his heartbeats getting faster and faster, as he memorized his lover's face.

How long had it been since he saw that beloved childlike face?

How long had it been since he saw that face smiling, lighting up with joy, shining with such selfless love and concern?

Too long, he decided, reaching out to touch the unique warmth that belonged only to his lover.

To think all this had been ripped away from him by his actions wrenched his heart dreadfully.

Sakuragi sighed, remembering those long sleepless nights he spent alone after the accident, crying and blaming himself for his lover's death. His tears threatened to fall, as he remembered the fateful day Youhei told him the news that turned his world upside-down.

++++++++++

FLASHBACK

When he opened his eyes, he found himself facing a strange white ceiling. Pain flared down his side as he tried, and failed, to turn himself over, forcing him to stifle a groan that forced it's way past his lips.

"Sakuragi…you've woken up." He heard a voice coming from… his right?

He frowned slightly, turned his face and saw Youhei standing near the bathroom entrance. 

"Youhei." It came out as a hoarse whisper.

Youhei smiled, walked towards the bed, pulled a nearby chair close and sat next to his bedridden friend.

"How do you feel, Sakuragi?" Youhei smiled, but Sakuragi could see that there was sadness in his eyes. "The doctor said that you might wake up today."

"What happened?" Sakuragi asked, ignoring Youhei's question. "Where am I?" 

"You have been hospitalised. You were brought here after the accident. How much do you remember of it?" Youhei asked.

"The accident?" Sakuragi frowned.

"The accident." Youhei affirmed.

Sakuragi closed his eyes as the sound of metal crashing into something hard filled his ears, and the colour of flames danced briefly before the pain - Oh God, the pain - actually hit his nerves. Then his eyes snapped open as he realised something. 

"Kaede." He started to panic. "Kaede. What happened to Kaede?"

He tried to get up but he felt as hundreds of knives cutting through his body. 

"Calm down." Youhei held him down gently. "You're in no condition to go look for him now."

"I want to know what happened to Kaede." Sakuragi lay back on the bed. "How is Kaede? Where is he?"

"… I'll go get the doctor." With that, Youhei left the room, leaving one confused and panicky Sakuragi alone.

++++++++++

"Well…you were lucky, Sakuragi-kun." The doctor smiled warmly at him. "There are only minor injuries and one broken rip but that will heal eventually. Don't worry."

"Kaede." Sakuragi had ignored completely what the doctor just said. "Kaede. What happened to him?"

"Kaede? Oh, you mean Rukawa-kun." She shook her head sadly, "he wasn't lucky as you were… His head hit the pavement and he's in a coma right now."

"NO!" Sakuragi cried, trying to get off the bed. "Where is he?! I want to see him!"

"Sakuragi!" Youhei and the gang tried to prevent Sakuragi from getting up. "Calm down."

"Let go of me, you IDIOTS! Didn't you hear what the doctor said?! Kaede's in coma!" Sakuragi cried in panic. "I must see him! I need to see him!"

"Sakuragi-kun, no one is allowed to visit Rukawa-kun now." The doctor tried to calm the redheaded boy. "His condition is too sensitive. Please do not worry - he's in the ICU now and we are taking good care of him."

"But…" Sakuragi said, fighting back the tears that formed in the corner of his eyes. "I want to see him."

The doctor smiled, as she walked outside the room. "He'll be fine soon and you'll be able to spend as much time as you want with him. Be patient - it's only going to be a few days."

"Ok." Sakuragi barely whispered. A silent tear fell down his cheek.

"It's ok, Sakuragi." Youhei put a comfort hand on Sakuragi's shoulder. "He's gonna be fine."

"It's my fault… my fault." Sakuragi whispered. "I was so careless."

"It isn't your entire fault." Youhei shook his head. "Rukawa wasn't wearing safety helmet, after all."

"He wasn't wearing one 'coz there wasn't another!" Sakuragi snapped angrily. "The helmet I wore came with the bike and I was stupid enough not to buy another there and then. And then I was idiotic enough to neglect the basic safety measures!" Sakuragi threw his head backwards on the pillow, sobbing. "Why him? Why not me? It shouldn't have been him. I was the one driving. I was the one to reckless to focus. I am the one who should be lying in that damned ICU. Not him, never him."

Youhei kept silent. There was nothing he could say anyway. 

What could he say to make his friend feel better? 

Nothing.

And that realization hit him hard.

++++++++++

Sakuragi tossed.

And turned.

And tossed again.

He scratched his head furiously, frustrated at his failure to fall asleep.

He got up his bed and walked to the small window of his room. Opening the window, Sakuragi felt the cold breeze of the night caressing his face gently. He ran through the events of the past few days in his mind, having nothing more substantial to brood upon. 

He had been in the hospital for five days (and still counting) and his recovery was going well, and today the doctor had announced him as being fit for discharge in three days. 

As for Rukawa, he was still in coma. However, Sakuragi had been to see him, being allowed to watch him from behind the glass of his ICU room for a few precious minutes before being hustled back to his room like a petulant child.

[_He looked as if he were asleep._] Sakuragi smiled to himself. [_Like a child._]

Suddenly, he heard some footsteps running down the hallway in a hurry. He walked to the door and opened it slowly. He pecked at the empty hallway, looking for somebody.

"Is anything wrong, Sakuragi-kun?" a feminine voice asked.

He looked at his side to find the floor nurse smiling at him. "I heard some footsteps near my door… So I came to check."

"Oh, that was Dr. Housuiki; she was needed in the ICU."

"I see." Sakuragi said. "Good night."

"Good night, Sakuragi-kun."

With that, Sakuragi entered his room again and went to bed.

++++++++++

Sakuragi woke up the next morning to find Youhei and the gang standing in front of his bed.

"What are y'all doing here?" He asked them, puzzled and still drowsy from their abrupt wakening of him.

"There is something you need to know." Youhei said evenly, though his eyes glinted with sadness and pain.

"Make it quick. I want to go and see Kaede." Sakuragi sat in his bed.

"It is about Rukawa." Youhei's voice was barely audible.

"About Kaede?" Sakuragi raised an eyebrow. "What about Kaede?"

Youhei took a deep breath, staring at the ground, not knowing how to break the news to him. The rest of the gang held their heads down, not wanting to meet the eyes of their friend.

"Well?" Sakuragi looked at his friends puzzled.

Youhei squeezed his eyes tight. [_Please make it easy for him… Please._] Then he looked up at his friend and said. "Rukawa had passed away last night."

END OF FLASHBACK

++++++++++

Sakuragi couldn't hold back his tears at these memories. 

If only he hadn't insisted on trying out the motorbike that day…

If only he hadn't lost his focus on the street…

If only he had been more careful and bought another helmet… 

But he was so excited - too excited - about his gift and he wanted to show it to his lover as soon as possible. 

He had wanted to please his lover. 

Instead, he killed him.

The irony was such that he could have gone mad laughing at the mistake - if not for the fact that he was now holding that same lover in his arms.

"Hana-kun?" He heard his lover's soft whisper. "Why are you crying?"

Sakuragi looked down at the boy in his arms sadly. "I…"

"Hana, what's wrong?" Rukawa pulled away and rose to a sitting position.

"I'm sorry, Kaede." Sakuragi pulled Rukawa to his arms again, sobbing. "I caused your death that day… I killed you… And I never had the chance to say how sorry I am."

"Oh, Hana." Rukawa snuggled closer to his lover's bare chest, burying his face in it. "There is no need to be sorry, my love. We both were careless…besides, that day was one of the happiest days in my life…I don't regret going out on that bike with you, Hana. Neither should you. You made me happy that day, Hana and for that I thanked you with all my heart."

"Kaede…I don't want you to leave me again."

"I won't leave you unless you want me to… Every time you come back, Hana, you'll find me here…waiting for you. As I always had when you have to work until late time in the evening."

"I would never ask you to leave, Kaede. Those past 8 months were nothing but an endless nightmare without you."

Rukawa smiled and kissed Sakuragi's bare chest. "Every nightmare has an end, koi…and I'm here to end yours."

"Kaede?"

"Humm?"

"How you managed to come back? Where did you go when you died? Did it hurt when you died? Are you a ghost?"

Rukawa snickered at the torrent of questions that poured forth from his lover's mouth. He looked up at his lover. "Hana, I'm here 'coz you wanted me to be here. I'm definitely not a ghost but I'm not alive as well. No one can see me unless they needed to. And as for your other questions, I can't answer them because I'm still not sure what exactly happened or how it happened myself."

"I see." He didn't see. But that didn't matter. "Anyway, no matter what will happen, I want you to stay with me forever."

"But if the others find out that you think I'm here, won't they think you crazy?"

Sakuragi tightened his embrace around his lover's slender waist. "Well, as long as it makes you here... then yes, I'm crazy..."

"Do'aho." Rukawa chuckled, yawning.

"Likewise, my kitsune…" 

And with that, the two lovers fell into a deep sleep.

T.B.C.


End file.
